Peace at Last

Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. "What's wrong, Seamus?" Paddy asked. "Well didn't ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Seamus. "Ah, praise the Almighty!" Paddy replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

Irishmen Bulb

Q: How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: "Aw, fuck it! We'll drink in the dark!"

About Face

Q: What twitter message did Ukraine's President Poroshenko send to Putin after the invasion?
A: The Crimea isn't yours, please retweet.