Pollock Needs Condoms

A pollock walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms. We have some for 75 cents a piece. The man asks for two. The pharmacist calculates the total and says, "That will be $1.58 with tax, sir." The pollock says, "Oh, these come with tacks? I was wondering how you keep them on."

The Spanish Man and Mexican Woman

A Spanish man who doesn't speak English says to a Mexican woman, "Lady, I want to make the love with you," and she says, "Mande?" and he says, "No Monday, today."

37 Mating Positions

What a rip-off. I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge display with a sign saying "Newly translated from the original French: 37 mating positions." Noticing that the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, I just had to buy one. Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of my wife, and found that I had just purchased an expensive book about Chess.