Freaky Fast

Two teenagers are found smoking a joint in the middle of a park. They’re both arrested and taken to the town jail. The sergeant advises them they’re entitled to one phone call . About eight minutes later, a man enters the station. The sergeant says, “I assume you’re the kids’ lawyer.” “Heck, no,” replies the man. “I’m from Jimmy Johns”

Drinking Problem?

Q: How do you know when you've been drinking too much?
A: The bartender knows your name but this is the first time you've been to that bar

Vampire Junkie

Q: What do you call a vampire junkie?
A: Count Drugula!