George W - College Days

George W. Bush was talking to some of his advisers, and they were discussing spin control on his past drug problems. "Dubya," said his PR guy, "We've got to know, are the rumors true about your using cocaine in college." "It's true," replied Bush, "but it isn't my fault. My parents were rich, and I was born with a silver spoon in my nose."

Smart Alec

A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.
One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!"

How did I get here?

A little girl asked her mother how she got here. Her mother, misty-eyed, smiled and replied, “Once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The little seed grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it, and got so high that we fucked without a condom.”