Fearful Chicken

Q: Why was the chicken afraid of the chicken?
A: Far from being a proverbial chicken, this deeply disturbed fowl suffered from chronic depression and social anxiety disorder, usually treated with a combination therapy of Luvox and Paxil.

Blonde Medical Terminology

ARTERY--The study of fine paintings.
BARIUM--What you do when CPR fails.
BENIGN--What you are after you be 8.
CAESAREAN SECTION--A district in Rome.
COLIC--A sheep dog.
COMA--A punctuation mark.
CONGENITAL--Friendly.
DILATE--To live longer.
FESTER--Quicker.
G.I. SERIES--Baseball game between teams of soldiers.
GRIPPE--A suitcase.
HANGNAIL--A coat hook.
MEDICAL STAFF--A Doctor's cane.
MINOR OPERATION--Coal digging.
MORBID--A higher offer.
NODE--Was aware of.
ORGANIC--Church musician.
OUTPATIENT--A person who has fainted.
POST-OPERATIVE--A letter carrier.
PROTEIN--In favor of young people.
SECRETION--Hiding anything.
SEROLOGY--Study of English knighthood.
TABLET--A small table.
TUMOR--An extra pair.
URINE--Opposite of you're out.
VARICOSE VEINS--Veins which are very close together.

Experience Counts

One day the manager of a brokers’ firm walks past a new employee counting put and call slips. The guy does it faster than anyone he has ever seen. “That’s amazing,” says the manager. “Where did you learn to count like that?” “Yale,” answers the employee. “Yale? I don’t believe it. I went to Yale too. What’s your name?” “Yimmy Yohnson,” says the employee.