Onion Balls

While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man's balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decides to replace the missing ball with an onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup."How's your sex life?" the doctor asked.  "Pretty good," the man said, to the doctor's relief. But then he added, "I've had some strange side effects."  "What's that?", the doctor asked anxiously.  "Well, every time I piss, my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a hamburger stand, I get a hard-on!"

Discharge Doctor's Visit

A young lady walks into a doctors office. "Doctor I'm suffering from a terrible discharge." The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says, "how does that feel?" Young lady, "Oooh doctor that feels lovely... but the discharge is from my ear!!"

The meaning of life

A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?" "No," he replied, "I've never done either." "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" inquired the doctor. "No, I've never done any of those things either." "Well then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a hundred for?"