Businessman's Payback

An abrasive businessman in the hospital constantly berates the medical staff. Only the head nurse will stand up to him. One day she tells him, "I have to take your temperature. I'm sorry, but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This starts rounds of complaining, but eventually the man rolls over and bares his rear end. After the nurse inserts the thermometer, she announces, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back." She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walk past his door laughing. The man's doctor comes into the room, "What's going on here?" Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" After a pause, the doctor says, "Well, no, not with a carnation, anyway."

Leper Poker Game

Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game?
A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.

Nail File

Patient asks, "Doctor, should I file my nails?"
Doctor replies, "No! Throw them away like everybody else."