Six Weeks to Live

A guy goes to see his doctor, and the doctor says, "Well, I'm afraid you have six weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh damn, well what should I do doctor?" The doctor tells him, "You should take a mud bath once a day for the next six weeks," and the guy asks, "Why? Is that supposed to help?" and the doctor says, "No, but it'll get you used to being in the ground."

Premium Poop

I had to pay $150 for the bowel prep medication before my colonoscopy.
That shit was expensive.

Top 10 Colonoscopy Jokes

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.'
4. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
5. 'You put your left hand in; you take your left hand out...'
6. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
7. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'
8. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.
9. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
10. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'