Hemorrhoids

Q: "How are your hemorrhoids?"
A: "Swell."

Irish Abortion Clinics

Q: Did you hear about the Irish abortion clinic?
A: It has a 12 month waiting list.

Offer a Hand

Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a guy with no arms standing next to a urinal. As Bob takes care of his business, he wonders how the poor soul is going to take a leak. Bob finishes and heads for the door, but figures he should ask the man if he needs help. ''Oh yes please!?" the man cries. "You have a kind heart, sir,'' says the man with no arms. But as Bob goes ahead, unzips the man, and pulls his willy out, he encounters all kinds of mold, red bumps, moles, scabs, scars, and other unpleasant-looking things. The armless man asks Bob to kindly point it... then shake it, put it back and zip it. So Bob, gathers his courage, shuts his eyes and does so. ''Thank you very much, sir!'' says the armless man. ''No problem,'' says Bob ''but what the hell is wrong with your penis?'' The guy pulls pulls his arms out of his shirt and says ''I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"