Always By My Side

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?" "What dear?" She asked gently. "I think you bring me bad luck."

Thore!

One night the Norse god Thor was feeling a bit horny so he decided to come down to earth to satisfy his needs. He picked up a good looking woman with a great shape and they went to her apartment.  She only had one small problem, she had a speech impediment, but this didn't affect their sex. They went at it hot and heavy all night long.  Then in the morning Thor had to leave so he decided he should at least tell her his name, so he said to her, "I'm Mighty Thor and I have to leave now." She looked at him and said, "You're thore I'm tho thore I can hardly pith."

Arachnophobia

My girlfriend says she has arachnophobia
How does she know, she has never met anyone from Iraq.