Onion Balls

While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man's balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decides to replace the missing ball with an onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup."How's your sex life?" the doctor asked.  "Pretty good," the man said, to the doctor's relief. But then he added, "I've had some strange side effects."  "What's that?", the doctor asked anxiously.  "Well, every time I piss, my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a hamburger stand, I get a hard-on!"

Pregnancy Craving

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

New Employee Training

A young man got a new job running the register at a store. The old store owner said he would teach him how to up-sell. "Watch how I do it," he said to the new hire. As a customer put a bag of grass seed on the counter, the old-timer said to him, "When you plant those seeds and the grass starts growing, you're going to need a new lawnmower to cut the grass." "You know," said the man, "I do need a new mower. Sure, I'll take one." After the customer left, the new kid said, "I think I see what you mean. Let me handle this next one." A customer stepped up to the counter and set down a box of tampons. The young salesman said, "You know, you should get you a new lawnmower to go with that." The man asked the young salesman, "What are you talking about?" "It looks like your weekend's shot so you might as well cut the grass."