The Mute Gets His Speech Back

A mute was walking down the street one day and chanced upon a friend of his, also a mute. In sign language, he inquired how his friend had been doing. The friend replied (vocally!) "Oh, can that hand-waving shit. I can talk now."
Intrigued, the mute pressed him for details. Seems he had gone to a specialist, who, seeing no physical damage, had put him on a treatment program that had restored the use of his vocal chords.
Gesturing wildly, the mute asked if he might meet this specialist. They got an appointment that very afternoon.  After an exam, the specialist proclaimed that he had found no permanent damage. The mute was essentially in the same condition as his buddy, and that there was no reason why he couldn't be helped as well.
"Yes, yes" signed the mute. "Let's have the first treatment right now!"  
"Very well," replied the specialist.  "Kindly go into the next room, drop your pants and lean over the examining table. I'll be right in."
The mute does as instructed, and the doctor sneaked in carrying a broomstick, mallet and jar of Vaseline. Greasing the broom handle, he 'sent it home' with a deft swipe of the mallet.
The mute jumped from the table, screaming, "AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"
"VERY good," smiled the doctor. "Next Tuesday, we work on 'B'!"

Define Agony

Q: What is the definition of Agony?
A: A one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

Bank Cashier

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York.  A nice young man, but a bit timid.  Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself.  "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.  Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier.  However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education."  Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?"  "Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale."  "That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!"  "Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"  Jim answered., "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."