Night Fight

One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot those two dead boys. If you don't believe this joke is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.

Speedy

Tucker is a slow worker. He gets a job at the local zoo and the keeper, aware of his reputation, tells him to take care of the tortoises. Later, the keeper drops by to see how Tucker is getting on and finds him standing by an empty cage. “Where are the tortoises?” asks the keeper. Tucker shrugs, “I just opened the door and…Whooooosh!”

Eat Your Vegetables

Q: What's the difficult thing about eating vegetables?

A: Getting around the wheelchair.