Stevie Wonder's New Car

Q: Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new car?
A: Neither has he.

Photos

A guy sat next to me in the bus today and pulled out a photo of his wife. He asked me, “Ain’t she beautiful?”
I said “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my wife”
He replied with, “Why, is she a stunner as well?”
I said, “No, she’s an optician”

Selling to a Farmhouse

A traveling salesman approached an old farmhouse and noticed the strange behavior of the couple inside. The woman was running the lawn mower over the carpet and the man had one hand dipped in a fish bowl and was playing with himself with the other. The salesman assumed they were crazy and moved on. After he'd finished his pitch at the next farmhouse, he mentioned what he'd just seen. ''Oh, those folks ain't crazy,'' the farmer said, ''They're both deaf mutes. She was telling him to mow the lawn, and he was telling her to go fuck herself because he was going fishing.''