From The Life of The Insane

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted,
"I did not!"

Glasses

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.
Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.

Domestic Violence for the Deaf

I was recently charged with domestic violence and I won. It wasn't my fault - she never listened, always ignored me when I talked, and whenever I would flip her off, she would flip me off. That's the last time I date a deaf girl...