Almost Impossible

A man is standing at a grave, staring at the head stone. A second man walks up and asks, "Is this someone you knew?" The first guy says, "Yes, it was my wife." The second guy says, "It must be hard to lose a wife." The first guys replies, "Yep, damn near impossible."

No Life

So, I asked my grandfather why he doesn’t have a life insurance policy.
He answered: “Because I want you to be truly sad when I am gone”

The Two Hunters

Two hunters were hunting one day when one hunter fainted. The other hunter didn't know what to do, so he called 911. When the operator answered the hunter told them that his hunting partner was dead.
The operator said, "Calm down, and make sure your partner is dead."
All of a sudden there was a gunshot. The hunter got back on the phone and said, "Okay, he's dead for sure."