Cheap Widow

A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects, and then says, "Well, then, let it read 'Fred Brown died'."
Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a seven word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her fingers, and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown died; 1983 Pick-up for sale.'"

Ashes

My mom just told me to cremate her and put her ashes in an hour glass so that even after she's dead and gone she can continue telling me how much time I'm wasting.

Not Specific Enough!

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from her. The doctor suggests the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happen to which the man replies: "She choked."