The Six-Pack

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off the high rise and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bill says, "OK, I`m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I`ll do it."
2 hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack. Charlie says, "Where did you get that, Bill?"
"Steve`s wife gave it to me."
"That`s unbelievable," Charlie says "You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
Bill says,"Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, `You must be Steve`s widow.`
She said, `No, I`m not a widow.'
And I said, 'Wanna bet me a six-pack?'"

Predictive Text

The guy who invented predictive text died last night.
His funfair is next monkey.

Open Casket

3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say: LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!"