You're Next

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

Mother-in-law burial

Two friends meet each other on the street. "Hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill. "Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just buried my mother-in-law"  replied Sid. "I'm so sorry!" said Bill,  "But why is your face scratched all over?" "It wasn't so easy!"  said Sid, "She put up a hell of a fight!"

General's Funeral

The famous general died and his ashes were to be taken to Arlington National Cemetery. All the air lines were booked and there were no other planes available. Someone came up with the idea of using a helicopter. It arrived at 5:00 A.M.The newspapers reported the incident with the headlines, "The Whirly Bird Gets The Urn"