Hillary's Wake-up Call

Hillary phoned Trump's office shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to President Trump, it’s an emergency!” exclaimed Hillary. After some cajoling, the president's assistant agreed to wake him up. “So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning,”  grumbled Trump.“ A Supreme Court Judge just died, and I want to take his place,” begged Hillary. “Well, it’s Okay with me if it’s Okay with the mortuary,” replied President Trump.

The Molester in the Woods

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

The Cashier

Well, one day, an idiot looking for a job finally came across a cigarette stand that was accepting anyone as there cashier. After being turned down for every job he filed for, he accepts this low paying job. One day, a woman comes to the stand, "Hey, sonny, how much do those cigarettes cost?" "I don't know", replies the stupid cashier. The woman leaves unsatisfied. The boss, having seen this goes up to him and screams "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW, THEY COST 10 CENTS, GOD!!!!!!" "10 cents? I will have to remember that" said the cashier. The next day, another woman comes "hey sonny, how much do those cigarettes cost?" "10 cents ma'am" "Really? Are they fresh?" "I don't know...?" So the woman leaves. The boss, having spied this, screams "WELL OF COURSE THEY ARE FRESH YOU NINCOMPOOP, WHAT DO YOU THINK? THEY ARE SOUR OR SOMETHING?" So the cashier memorizes "Yes, very fresh" The next day, another woman comes and says "Hello dear, now much do those cigarettes cost?" "10 cents" He replies. "Are they fresh?" "Very fresh" "Should I buy them?" "I don't know" So the woman leaves. The boss having seen this goes to scream at him again "YOU MORON, WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THAT, YOU HAVE TO SAY 'If you don't, somebody else will' OK?" "Okay, gotcha boss" So the next day, the little shop gets robbed by a guy with a gun. He goes up to the cash register and screams "HEY, how much money is in that cash register?" "10 cents sir" "WHAT? ARE YOU BEING FRESH TO ME?" "Yes, very fresh sir" "SHOULD I SHOOT YOU?" "If you don't, somebody else will."