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Dark Humor Jokes - Death Jokes
Paddy the Puddy Cat Sitter
One day O'Leary decided to visit his friend Paddy and ask him for a favour.
"Paddy my friend", he said. "I'm going on holiday for a few weeks an I wanted to know if you could come around a couple a times a day to check up on me elderly ma, an feed me cat"
"No problem", replied Paddy. "You go an have a good time."
So the next day O'Leary left and headed for sunny Florida. However, after a week of him being there, he received a phone call from Paddy.
"Everything's ok over here" Paddy said. "Except you're cat. It's dead!"
"Oly ell", replied O'Leary. "You could have been a bit more sensitive Paddy!"
"What do you mean?" replied Paddy. "Well, one day you could have rang me up and told me that my cat has climbed the tree. The next day you could tell me that it has gone even higher up the tree and refuses to come down. On the third day you could tell me that the cat lost its grip and fell from the tree and had to be taken to the vets because of a broken leg. Then on the fourth day you could have told me that it died peacefully in the vet clinic," explained O'Leary.
So paddy apologized and another week went by. One day O'Leary got another phone call. It was Paddy again. "All right O'Leary," he said. "Everything's ok here, except your ma -She's climbed the tree and refuses to come down!"
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A Lawyer Named Strange
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers-by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"
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Father's Day
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. by by, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked. The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. by by, Grandma." The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. Sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. by by, Daddy." Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine.
When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found the milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
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