Tombstone

Found in a Ruidoso, New Mexico cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me, for not rising

The Irishman at Auschwitz

Two Irishmen are sitting in a bar.  Mick's looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is.
Mick says, "Well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I've just found out that he actually died in the Auschwitz concentration camp."
Patrick says, "That's terrible, did he go to the gas chamber?" and Mick replies, "No, he fell out of the machine gun tower."

The Wishing Well

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while, but then smiled and said, "Cool! It really works"!