Legacy

Three retired friends were talking over drinks about their careers and they got on the subject of leaving a legacy.  One friend asked the others, when people see you in your casket, what would you like them to say?  The first friend hoped they would comment on how great a doctor and family man he was.  The second friend hoped they would comment on him being a great teacher and making a difference.  The third friend paused in reflection then said, I would like to hear them say, "Look, he's moving!"

God Will Save Me

There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house. The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, "You can't stay here you have to come with us." The old man replied, "No, God will save me." So the boat left. A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them. The old man again replied, "God will save me." So the boat left him again. An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them. Again the old man refused to leave stating that, "God will save him." So the boat left him again. Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "You dummy! I tried. I sent three boats after you!!"

Santa Disease

Q: What disease does Santa get from his roof-top landings?
A: Shingles