Irishman Suicide

Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by  swallowing 100 pain killers?
A: After two he began to feel better.

Oopsy Daisy!

On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy". While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card.
"Oh, it's alright." said the storekeeper. "I'm a businessman and I understand how these things can happen."
"But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party." "Well, what did it say?" ask the storekeeper.
"'Congratulations on your new location!"

Bill Clinton vs JFK

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton & J.F.K?
A: One got his head blown off in the back of a limousine & the other got assasinated.