Cannibal in the Office

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his friend on the way to the restroom?

Male Assertiveness

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.  He had finished the book by the time he reached his house. The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.  Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!  I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" "The funeral director," said his wife.

Cheating Signs

Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.