Perspective

The next time you hate your life remember, it's all about perspective. I have a friend who has sex 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day, reads 2 books a week and yet complains about how much he hates prison. 

Dying Wives!

"I was married 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, " and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull." "That's a shame." said his friend , "How did it happen?" "She wouldn't eat the fucking mushrooms!"

It Was So Tall

A man is fibbing away about how great things are in his country. Finally, he starts describing the tall buildings in his country.
"There is a building so tall, it took my friend Alex 72 hours to fall off it!" "Oh, my God!" says his friend. "Surely he must have died!" "Of course. He was without food or water for 3 days!"