Henry Ford's Marriage Advice

A reporter asked Henry Ford the secret of his successful married life. "Same as with cars - STICK TO ONE MODEL."

Betty Crocker Passes

Did you hear that Betty Crocker passed away? The funeral is set at 4:50 for ten to fifteen minutes.

Steven Wright Collection

• I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.
• My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York.
• I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
• I like to skate on the other side of the ice.
• I'm so hyper . . . [Said with a very dull voice.]
• If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
• Four years ago . . . No, it was yesterday. Today I . . . No, that wasn't me. Sometimes I . . . No, I don't. Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
• A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."