Oscar's Drinking Game

Q: How do you play the new Oscar Pistorius drinking game?
A: Every time your girlfriend goes to the bathroom, you take 5 shots.

Bill Clinton Walking

American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as "Walking Eagle" because he is so full of crap he can't fly.

Rodney Dangerfield Famous Lines

• "My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg."
• "Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home."
• "A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!"
• "A hooker once told me she had a headache."
• "I went to a massage parlour. It was self-service."
• "If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all."
• "I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'"
• "I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off."
• "I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders."
• "My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves."
• "I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning."
• "The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'"
• "My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal."
• "My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night."
• "My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with."