Van and the Queen

Van der Merwe is invited to have lunch with the Queen. While sitting at her table he says to her, "Jis you know Queen you have got such a nice house, and you know Queen your clothes are so nice and you know Queen your food is bakgat!" The Queen gets pissed off with this Queen bit and says to Van. "Mr Van der Merwe, you should not be calling me Queen this and Queen that the correct title is "Your highness". Van says, " ..jis that is unbelievable, my brother's name is also Johannes and he is also a queen!"

Red, White, and Blue

Q: What's red, white and blue and makes the entire community happy?
A: Smurfette deep-throating a candy cane.

Walmart Greeter

So I finally landed a job as a Walmart greeter. About two hours into my first day on the job a loud, mean and unattractive woman enters the store with her two children yelling obscenities at them the whole way.
Per my greeter instructions, I pleasantly said, "Good Morning and welcome to Walmart. Nice children you have there, are they twins?"
Agitated, the women sharply fires back, "Hell no, they ain't twins. This here one is 7, and this other one is 10. Why would you think they're twins? Are you blind, stupid, or both?"
To which I replied, "Ma'am, I am neither blind nor stupid. I just couldn't believe that someone slept with you twice."