A Question for Bill Clinton

Q: What was Miss Lewinsky's most memorable feature?
A: She has the whitest teeth I've ever come across.

Passing The Blame

We yanks just love to pass the blame. What other country can boast of 3 lawyers for every citizen. We come up with the best reasons to blame others for our own problems. Here's a small list... If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she's holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant. If your teen- age son kills himself or the next door neighbors, you blame the rock 'n' roll music or musician he liked. If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company. If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education. If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender. If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean ones. If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television. If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer. And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilots at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the deceased blames the airline. I guess I'll just never understand the world as it is anymore... So if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this computer while sending you this joke - I want you to blame Bill Gates, OK?

NASA and SpaceX Mission

When NASA's Voyager III spacecraft confirmed that there were alien structures on Jupiter's moon Europa, they decided to investigate. SpaceX and NASA astronauts began training for a mission to Europa in the deserts of the Western United States, where they had an encounter with an old Native American man.
The man asked what they were doing in the desert. They replied that they were going to travel to Europa, and search for the aliens who built the structures. When the old man heard that, he fell silent and pondered for a few moments, then asked the astronauts for a favor.

"What do you want?" the astronauts asked.

"Well, the people of my tribe believe that sacred spirits live on Europa. I was wondering if you could pass a very important message to them." said the old man.

"Well then, what's the message?" said the astronauts.

The man said something in his native language and asked the astronauts to repeat it over and over again until they had fully memorized it.

"What does it mean?" asked the astronauts.

"Oh, I cannot tell you. It's a sacred secret that only our tribe and Europa spirits are allowed to know." the old man mentions.

When the astronauts returned to base, they searched and searched until they had found someone who could speak the old man's native language, then asked him to translate the secret message. When they repeated what they had memorized, the translator began to laugh out loud. When he calmed down, the astronauts asked him what it meant.

The man explained the sentence they had memorized so cautiously said,

"Don't believe a single word these white men are telling you. They have come to steal your lands.