Heffner Seance

The Heffner family recently held a seance at the Playboy mansion and successfully contacted their father. He had one urgent message and requested that his family get the word out immediately.
The message is: "Tell the Muslims there aren't any virgins left."

Seattle 911

I accidentally called Nike instead of the suicide hotline.
They said just do it.
 

Apple iBoob

After introducing the iPhone 13, Apple surprised the audience with 'one more thing.' Apple is introducing a new line of digital implants for adults. Shipping in the spring of 2022, the Apple iBoob is a breast enhancement device that can store and play music. Sold in pairs, the new Apple iBoobs will cost from $999 to $1399 depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.