Moral of the Story

One day Adam's teacher told the class that everyone must find out a moral for the next day's class. One boy came in and said, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." The second boy said, "Don't judge a book by it's cover." Then Adam came in with a broken jaw and black eyes and said, "I asked my Uncle Johnny for a moral and he told me to shut up. I told him he had to help me because it was homework." The teacher said, "What is the moral, Johnny?" "DON''T MESS WITH UNCLE JOHNNY WHEN HE'S DRINKING!!!''

He's a Drunk Driver

There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out.  "YOU'RE DRUNK!", exclaimed the police officer.  "Thank God for that!", said the drunk, "I thought the steering had gone."

A Woman Goes Into A Bar

A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash. She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rolls around, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. The drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of vomit, and slurs, "I don't remember eating that!"