SOTALLY TOBER

starkle starkle little twink who the hell you are I think I'm not under what you call the alcofluence of incohol I'm just a little slort of sheep I'm not drunk like tinkle peepI don't know who is me yet but the drunker I stand here the longer I get Just give me one more drink to fill me cup 'cuz I got all day sober to Sunday up.

What Time Does the Bar Open?

At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens."It opens at noon", answers the clerk.  About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.  "What time does the bar open?" he asks.  "Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk.  Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered, "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"  The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you.""No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"

Flying Pill

A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him. The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, "You sure are mean when you're drunk, Superman."