Totally Truthful

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him. "You, sir, are drunk!" "And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"

Pig or Fox

Q: Whats the difference between a pig and a fox?
A: A 12-pack of beer!

Grandfather Clock

A guy is coming out of an antique clock shop with a new grandfather clock as a drunk comes stumbling down the street. The guy bumps into the drunk, falls down, and busts the clock all to pieces. The guy gets up and says to the drunk, "Why don't you watch where you're going?" The drunk says,"Why don't you wear a wristwatch like everyone else?"