Wrong Bus

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"

Drink To Forget

Sign seen in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."

Tipsy

Part of me says I can't keep drinking like this.  The other part of me says, "Don't listen to her, she's drunk."