Bar Jokes

Going To A Lecture

There was a man, who was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife." said the man.

Categories: Alcohol Jokes , Bar Jokes (Drunk Jokes) , Funny Thoughts , Relationship Jokes (Man Criticizes Woman) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Woman Criticizes Man)
Anonymous

The Duck in the Bar

A duck walks into a bar, sits down at the barstool, and waits for the bartender. The bartender walks up, hands the duck a menu, waits a while, and comes back to take his order. "What'll it be?" the bartender says.
The duck says, "I think I'll have the grapes."
"Well, I'm sorry sir, but this is a bar, we don't serve grapes here. Now, I'll let you look a bit longer and wave when you know what you want."
The duck looks at the menu, then waves the bartender down.
"Ok, you got your order?" The duck nods, saying, "I'll think I'll have the grapes."
The bartender, kind of peeved from the duck, says, "Look Mac, we don't have any grapes here. This is a bar. We don't serve grapes, so what will you have?!"
The duck looks at him in the eyes and says, "I'll have the grapes."
The bartender, enraged, shouts, "If you ask for the grapes one more time I'm going to nail your feathered a** to the barstool!!" The bartender cools off a bit. "Now what will you get?!"
"Got any nails?"
"OF COURSE WE DON'T HAVE ANY NAILS! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS? A HARDWARE STORE?"
"Good, got any grapes?"

Categories: Bar Jokes (Animal in Bar Jokes) , Bar Jokes (Walks Into a Bar) , Animal Jokes (Duck Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Serving Bears at Bars

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars." The bear replies, "If you don't give me a beer, I'll eat that lady over there." The bartender says, "Go ahead." So the bear eats the lady and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't give beer to bears on drugs." "What do mean," asks the bear. "I'm not on drugs." "Yes, you are, that was the bar bitch you ate."

Categories: Bar Jokes (Animal in Bar Jokes) , Drug Jokes
Anonymous
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