Drunk Driver's License

A cop pulls over a drunk driver. The drunk driver says, "Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!"

Hot Features

Two guys at a bar.  One guy says, "The two things that hot women have in common are big tits and a pretty onion ass." The other guy asks, "What's an onion ass?"  First guy replies, "One that's so beautiful it brings tears to your eyes!" 

Singles Circus

Q: How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
A: At the circus the clowns don't talk.