Beautiful Music, Basic Names

A guy sees a sign outside a bar that says "Piano Player Wanted," so he goes in to apply. The bartender, who is desperate for a player, asks the man to play him something. The man sits down and plays some of the most beautiful music the bartender's ever heard. "That was amazing" exclaims the bartender. "What was that called?" "That was something I like to call 'A Weasel Ate My Genitals.'" "Oh. You know anything else?" The guy plays another amazingly gorgeous piece. Impressed, the bartender applauds and asks what that one was called. "It's called 'Crap In My Mouth, I Love It.'" "Okay," says the bartender. "You can have the job. Just as long as you don't tell anyone the names of the songs." So the guy begins working nights at the bar, playing to full houses every night, and, true to his word, never revealing the titles of the songs. One night, though, he takes a break to go to the bathroom and forgets to zip up his pants afterwards and his schlong is hanging out. A patron notices and approaches him. "Do you know your pants are unzipped and your thing is hanging out?" "Know it, pal?" says the piano player. "I wrote it!"

Motzart

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

Skeleton Church Music

Q: Why can't skeletons play music in church?
A: Because they've got no organs.