Flat Major

Q: What do you say after you run an army officer over with a steam roller?
A: See flat major.

The Great Invasion

A young English woman, Polly Martin, met and fell in love with a Yank during WWII. He was a reporter and battlefield artist attached to the military. His name was Wally Woodword and whenever there was any battlefield action Wally would make quick sketches on the front lines which he would later turn into proper drawings from which he wrote his reports. Now, Polly and her friend Susan worked for the Ministry of Defense as did many young English women and the department they worked in was one that allowed them to know a lot of interesting information - including the exact date of the Normandy Invasion. The day before the invasion Polly was telling Susan that she planned to spirit her reporter boyfriend away next day and take him on a picnic out in the country. "But, you can't do that," Susan replied. "Why not?" Her friend asked. "Polly, Wally doodles all D-Day!"

Chuck, Jean Claud, and Arnold

Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day.  "If you were a musician, who would you be?", asked Chuck Norris.
"I think I would be Mozart," said Jean Claud VanDam.
"I would be Beethoven," said Chuck Norris.
Arnold replied, "I'll be Bach!"