The Panda Bear

A panda bear walks into a bar, and tells the bartender that he wants to have lunch. The bartender gives him a menu and he orders. The panda bear eats his lunch, and when he finishes, he gets up to leave. Suddenly, the panda bear pulls an AK-47 out of his fur, and shoots the bar to pieces. He then heads for the door. The shocked bartender jumps out from behind the destroyed bar and yells, "Hey, what do you think you're doing? You ate lunch, shot up my bar, and now you're just going to leave?" The panda bear answers calmly, "I'm a panda bear." The bartender says, "Yeah, so?" The panda bear replies, "Look it up," and walks out the door. The bartender jumps back behind the ruined bar and grabs his encyclopedia. He looks up "panda bear," and sure enough, there is a picture of the panda bear. He reads the caption, which says, "Panda Bear -- a cuddly, black and white creature. Eats shoots and leaves."

Amusing Marmosets

Q: How many marmosets does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 3. That's it, just 3. Go ahead, get 3 marmosets and try to prove me wrong.

Gorilla Mate

Q: What do gorillas call their significant others?
A: Harambae