Replacing Lab Rats with Lawyers

The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch.

1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a lawyer.
2. Lawyers breed faster and are in much greater supply.
3. Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies won't jump all over you no matter what you're studying.
4. There are some things even a rat won't do.

Squirrel Swimming on it's Back

Q: Why does a squirrel swim on its back?
A: To keep its nuts dry!

The Snake and the Truck

There once was a snake crossing a highway and a truck ran over its ass. When the snake went back to get its ass, a truck ran over its head. The moral of the story is, "Don't lose your head over a piece of ass!"