Dangerous Crossing

Q: What happened to the man who tried to cross a lion with a goat?
A: He had to get a new goat.

Two Cats and the River

There were two cats that enjoyed running together. The first cat was english, called One-two-three.  The other was french and called Un-deux-trois.  One day when they were running they came to a huge river. The cats took a large run up and leapt as far as they could.
Q: Which cat drowned?
A: Un-deux-trois cat sank (un deux trois quatre cinq)

How to Collect Cat Urine

Instructions on how to collect a beaker of cat urine:
1. Treat the beaker like your most prized possession.
2. Solemnly intone the word "no" every time the cat approaches the beaker.
3. After completing steps #1 and #2, leave the cat alone with the beaker for thirty seconds.