Get Some Toilet Paper

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

Parrot Calls It As It Is

A man and his wife were walking into the pet store. As they approached the door, the man noticed a parrot on his perch staring at his wife. As they passed by the man asked the parrot, "What?" The parrot replied, "That is the ugliest woman I have ever seen!" On and on the parrot went about the man's wife. Soon the pet store owner came out and beat the parrot and exclaimed, "Don't you ever talk that way to my client's again!" and slams the parrot upon his perch. After a short while the couple has finished their shopping and start out of the shop. Again, the man notices the parrot staring at his wife and exclaims, "What!?" To which the parrot whispers, "You know what!"

Come In

A Jehovah's Witness knocked on the front door of a home, and heard a faint, high pitched, "Come In". He tried the door and it was locked, so he went around to the back door. He knocked again and heard again the high pitched "Come In". As he entered the kitchen a large, mean, snarling Doberman met him. As he plastered himself against the wall he called out for help. Again, he heard the "Come In". He slid down the wall to the living room to see a parrot in a cage. He said, "For Pete's sake, is that all you can say is 'Come In'?!" The parrot laughed and said "Sic him!"