Second Opinion

A man rushed into the veterinarian's office carrying his dog, thoroughly distraught. The vet examined the dog's still, limp body and sadly informed the man that the dog was dead. Saddened at the loss of his best friend, the man asked the doctor if he could please try one last time to revive the dog. The doctor stepped into his other room and returned with a cat in a wire cage. He set the cage on the examining table and opened the sliding door. The cat got up, stretched, stepped out of the cage and slowly walked around the dog from head to tail sniffing the body. When it was finished, it looked up at the veterinarian with a “meow”, walked back into the cage and went back to sleep.The vet looked at the man and said in his best bedside manner, "I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do.” Resigned, the man signed and said, "Thanks for trying. How much do I owe you?" "Three-hundred fifty dollars," the doctor replied. "Thr . . . thr . . .three-hundred fif-fif-fifty bucks to tell me my dog is dead!" the man stammered. "Well, it was only $50 for the office visit. The other $300 is for the CAT scan."

Shell Game

Two little boys are in a garden playing with their pet tortoises. The first little boy says that his tortoise is the fastest , so they have a race – the first to reach the garden wall wins. The second little boy sets his tortoise lumbering off toward the wall, but the first does nothing. The second little boy says, “You’re going to lose that bet.” “No I’m not,” replies the first little boy, who picks up his tortoise and chucks it at the wall.

Drunk Chicken

Q: What do you get from a drunk chicken?
A: Scotch eggs!