Raining All Night

There were 3 fish (the mom,dad,son) who needed a place to sleep. The mom slept in the kitchen sink. The dad slept in the the bathtub. The son slept in the toilet. The next morning the dad asked the mom how her night was. "Okay, but it was a little too small, said the mom" The mom asked the dad how his night was. "Just fine. There was a lot of room to swim," said the dad. The dad asked his son how his night was; "Horrible!!", said the son. It was raining scat and logs all night long!!"

Stressed Out, Try These!

If you're feeling a bit stressed, try these to deal with it...
Dance naked in front of your pets.
Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send them off to school as if nothing is wrong. (NOTE: this also works well with the hubby who stayed at the pub too long.)
Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at once. (Always have a witness on hand, just in case you attempt the Guiness World Record)
Tattoo "out to lunch" on your forehead.
Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
Find out what a frog in a blender "really" looks like. (Hamster in the microwave works well too.)
Sit naked on a shelled hard boiled egg. ("Don't knock it until you try it!")
Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
Make up a language and ask people for directions. (Works great at 7-11's!)
Replace the filling of a Twinkie with ketchup and place it back in the wrapper.
NOTES and DISCLAIMERS: If you are less than 18 years of age: always seek your parent's approval before attempting any of the above. (Exemption: If the hamster bites you again, nuke him till he glows!) If you are 18 years of age or older and even think about doing any of these: proceed to the nearest telephone book directory. Look up "clinical psychologist"... drive directly to the first one that accepts "walk-ins!"

He's Got An Itch

Q: Why do elephants scratch themselves?
A: Because they're the only ones who know where they itch!