Ducks on Honeymoon

Two ducks go on their honeymoon and stay in a hotel. As they are about to make love, the male duck says, ''Oh, we haven't got any condoms. I'll ring down to room service.'' He calls and asks for some condoms. The woman says, ''OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?'' ''No,'' he says, ''I'll suffocate!''

Purpose of Webbed Feet

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires!

The Best Book On Elephants

The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants. The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the British Empire." The French submited a text  "The Sensuality of the Elephant -- a Personal Account." The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear." The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants -- the Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s". Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants -- they're better than People" The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled  "The superiority of the Soviet Elephant" and submited a poem "The Joy and Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant." But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier  "We have no Elephants but wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"