Results of a Helping Hand

A man and his son walk in the park and come upon two dogs humping. The son asks, "Dad what are those dogs doing?" The dad says, "Well, the dog on top must have hurt his two front paws, and that dog on the bottom is helping him home." The son turns to his father and says, "It figures -- every time you try to help someone out, you always get screwed."

Kangaroo Sleepover

A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, "These sleepovers are killing me."

Someone Will Take Us Home

These two women went out for a night on the town and got sloshed. At the end of the evening they decided to take a short cut through a cow pasture after being unable to find a ride home. They became lost so split up to try and find the road home. One of the lushes doubled back only to stumble on the other flat on her back sucking on, and playing with a cow's udders. Her friend screamed "what are you doing?" the other lush says "shut up, with all these guys here someone'll drive us home".