Dogs and Men

How Dogs and Men Are the Same :
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Both fart shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
10. Both like dominance games.
11. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you see in cats.

Scottish Parrot

Q: What do you call a Scottish parrot?
A: A Macaw!

Chicken Lay Eggs

Q: Why does a chicken lay eggs?
A: Because if she dropped them, they'd break.