Great Dane

A man goes to a bar and he ties his Great Dane up outside. About 10 minutes later a lady comes in and asks who's Great Dane is outside. "Mine" says the man. "My dog has just killed him," she says. "What breed is your dog?" he asks. "A Chihuahua," she says. "How can a Chihuahua kill a Great Dane?" "He got caught in his throat!"

Snail Beer

A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve snails" and throws him out. A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says "What did you do that for?"

Frog Defense

I took a day off from work to play golf. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green. I paid it no attention until I heard, "Ribbit. 9-iron." That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog. I pulled out a 9-iron and sunk a hole-in-one. Amazed, I picked up the frog and asked where we should go next. "Ribbit. Vegas." We went to Vegas, and I asked the frog what we should do first. "Ribbit. Roulette." We went up to the roulette table, and I won big. I took my earnings and got the best room in the hotel. I asked the frog if there was anything I could do to repay it. "Ribbit. Kiss me." I figured, what the hell, and I kissed the frog. It turned into a 15-year-old girl. That's how she ended up in my room, your Honor, and if I'm lying, my name's not R. Kelly.