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Alcohol Jokes - Wine Jokes
Grapes
Q: What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?
A: None. It just lets out a little wine.
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Accidental Meeting
A woman and a man get into a bad car accident. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, I'm a woman, neither of us were hurt but both of our cars were demolished! This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
The woman then hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head, opens it and says, "You take the first drink". The woman takes the bottle, immediately chugs half of it, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man. The woman asks, "Aren't you having any?". The man replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police."
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Sunday Sermon
In Church on Sunday morning, the preacher was standing up at the pulpit preaching a sermon. After speaking for about 10 minutes he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd throw it in the river!" Then he talked some more and a little while later he said, "If I had all the wine in the world, I'd throw it in the river!" After that statement, he kept ranting and raving until about 15 minutes later when he said, "If I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd throw it in the river!" Then he talked for a few more minutes and sat down. Then, the choir director stood up and with a sheepish smile on her face she said, "now will the congregation please stand and join us in singing hymn number 134, LET'S ALL GATHER AT THE RIVER!
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